Last night, I didn't have a Thankful Thursday post.
I had anger. Frustration. Tears. Foot-stomping. Cuss words. A two-day-old fever. And weekend plans in jeopardy.
The only things I was thankful for was a God-timed sleep-over (thank you, JVG) for a little kid and a clueless big kid in the basement with his sleepover friend; and Tom, holding us all together this week.
I haven't kicked chemo this week like I have the others. It has lingered and weighed me down. Laundry up and down the stairs has become aerobic exercise. The walk to the employee parking lot seemed to have doubled last week before chemo. With a foot of snow on the ground Sunday, I have laid low and hibernated most of the week. Not a great thing for keeping physical strength or mental health up.
When I mentioned being short of breath to the doc, it got me a 6 minute walk and a CT to rule out a blood clot. Never make an RT do a walk - it wasn't pretty. No blood clot on CT though.
Fever. Not a good thing in someone with a lacking immune system. It was a juxtaposition in the wee hours of Tuesday night in my shorts & t-shirt watching bad TV with the front door wide open, the street light reflecting off all the snow.
The last thing I remember before going to sleep? Covers totally off, fan on, hot as could be with that stupid fever, lights still on, Tom folding laundry on the bed, about 9 pm. And then? Waking up at 537 am. I slept through the 1am Tylenol/ Advil/ tooth brushing and Magic Mouthwash. I wasn't hot or chilled. I wasn't up flashing the neighbors in the middle of the night. I was maybe a tiny bit achy, but I am blaming that on the Neulasta and being more horizontal than vertical the last 2 days.
Ok, God, I got the lesson in trusting you. Thank you. Next time, could I sleep in a little longer though? Maybe He is making sure I have time to get stuff done today, cause we got some weekend plans, even if they are at my current snail's pace.
Yes, I am, for dinners on Friday, Sunday and Monday. My fridge runneth over.
For the marathon chemo- Friday and a great lady to spend it with.
For Tom, loving me anyway when I am pretty dang unlovable.
But most of all?
For the Easter Miracle of my redemption.