Friday, May 31, 2013

A little blog break

I promise nothing bad has happened.  Surgery is soon, and I am trying to cram a summer and some of my own "honey-do's" into between now and then, as well as work some too.  I am more interested in hanging with the real life boys than a keyboard and screen at this point in life - trust me, I have barely balanced the checkbook the last couple weeks.  I do plan to blog the last chemo as well as some painting entertainment for my father-in-law's benefit (and my expense!).  You just have to wait until I get a free minute, or 6 free weeks, whichever.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Fantastic Friday

Because I am bored with Thankful Thursday.

Don't get me wrong - I am thankful for God's blessings, but I need a new theme.

It will be a Fantastic Friday.  It's the last chemo, hopefully of my lifetime, but who knows but God?

Forgive me if I am not completely excited about it.  It is great to be able to ring the bell tomorrow.  I can't wait for some celebratory girl-time with Beth and Lynn.  Maybe a margarita even? 

But I know I still have a week of feeling like roadkill. Of pain meds every couple hours, hoping to sleep it off and wake up feeling better, but I will stop the good drugs on Thursday just to clear my head for work by Saturday.  And it could be months to years or never for my hands and feet to recover real sensation.

One more week, and those awful wacky labs will start to climb back toward normal.  My hemoglobin and hematocrit will inch back up slowly, helping my energy and endurance.  I will gain back energy, a little at a time, just in time to be smacked down by some anesthesia.  Win some, lose some.

One more really hard weekend at work, regardless of the workload.  Truth be told, the sups have been very good to me on the weekends, and the workload and geography of a large hospital has been light.  It's the only way I have made it through.  Today, I had a crazy busy assignment, and I was worn by the end of my 8 hours.  Or maybe it's because I clocked 40 hours this week - an accomplishment, just to prove I still can.

I know I have to get through surgery and recovery.  I laugh and make jokes about my upcoming boob job, but there will be some emotion to take me back to stupid cancer tears again, I am sure.

I know I still have radiation.  Daily for 6 weeks.  Plus work weekends equals time at the hospital 12 days out of 14.  That's a grind for this part-time girl!

I will miss my first Komen walk as a survivor.  My sister, mom, nieces and kids will walk for me.  I will be sitting in a new recliner, trying to behave myself after surgery.  Pretty sure Tom should duct-tape me in it.

This week, Angelina Jolie announced she had preventive mastectomies after testing positive for brca.  Hmm.  Somebody else announced that women under 50 should not have routine mammograms.  Double hmm.  Genetic testing is $3000 out of pocket (thank you, insurance!).  Mine was negative.  If you gave me $3000 six months ago, I would not have thought to use it for a blood test.  A mammogram did not find my cancer.  I did.  Good for Angelina Jolie.  I am glad for any publicity for breast cancer, I think.  However, now is it going to become trendy to have bilateral mastectomies as prevention, not as post-diagnosis treatment?  Routine mammograms?  They find a lot of stuff that isn't cancer but has to be biopsied "just to be sure," especially in the under 50 crowd.  I would still get mine if I were anybody else.  I wonder for a tiny second if I am overkilling it with cutting off the good breast, but only for a tiny second.  I am certain I don't want the plastics doc reconstructing a saggy, 2 kids fed, weight gained and lopsided breast.  I am absolutely certain I don't ever want to face chemo again, and really, 8 rounds is pretty tame and easy in the cancer world.  I don't want to imagine a longer, rougher regimen, and there are plenty of folks doing it for months or years or lifetimes.

Random thoughts spilling from my head on a Thursday night.

Let's make it a Fantastic Friday, and ring the bell!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Another Thankful Thursday

God's blessings, but would you quit raining them down, already?  Maybe just sprinkle gently?

Last year was a record drought.  This spring, we are 7+ inches above normal for rainfall already.  Can we find a happy medium, please?

I am thankful for a relatively quiet week.  Two nights with nothing on the evening schedule - a blessing indeed!

I am thankful for parents willing to help with baseball.  I am not in any shape to do it, and it was wet, muddy and cold for practice this week.  First game is next week, woohoo!

I am thankful for my neighbor across the street, who planted flowers for me and attacked some unruly weeds.  He has a beautiful yard for me to look out on, and I think he would like the same, so he offered to plant if I would buy.  How convenient that the high school and Garden Club both had their annual plant sales in the last few weeks.

I am thankful for Cinco de Mayo chicken & rice, spaghetti, fettuccini, and pizza.

I am thankful for our teachers, as it is Teacher Appreciation Week, and 9 more days of an alarm clock for the boys and I.  Sorry, Tom, you still get to work 5 days a week.

Ya want a health update, while I am here? 

Well, I have slept as much as I have been awake during the day this week.  My hands are tingly.  My feet are on fire.  My fingers and toes are swollen like sausages.  My knees hurt, but are slowly getting better.  There are less narcotics today than yesterday, and much less than Tuesday.  I saw the surgeon today, and we are still on track for mid-June for bilateral mastectomies and left lymph nodes.  Komen Race for the Cure is June 15.  Last chemo is next Friday - woohoo!  I am still bald, and slightly crazy, if there was any doubt.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Double Dose of Thankful Thursday

It's a double dose of Thankful Thursday, since I was a slacker last week. 

I am thankful for my bed and my shower.   I missed them greatly last Thursday-Saturday when I had a fever and landed in the medical mecca.  Ugh.  A fever, wacky labs and a bad read of a chest xray sent me by ambulance across the river for a watchful eye.

I am thankful for yoga.  I don't go on my chemo weeks, but it felt pretty good on Wednesday night.  It was not nearly as de-moralizing as it was 2 weeks ago.

I am thankful for God's perfect timing.  My mom was scheduled to be here last Tuesday-Sundayish, which covered taking care of the boys so Tom could take care of me at the hospital.

I am thankful for a couple Cardiac Nurses, who conspired to get me chocolate brownies from the hospital cafeteria.  Yummy!

I am thankful for volunteers in Scouting, as Evan crossed over from a Webelos 2 to a real, official Boy Scout while I was gone.  It won't cost you anything and it's only an hour a week.  Negative to both, Ghostrider!

I am thankful for a pretty outdoor spot.  I have a great little corner to sit in the sun or the shade, and have had great weather to use it this week.  Alas, it's supposed to rain the next 4 days.  It came in a million pieces in a big box, and it was great occupational therapy to use a wrench and sockets and manipulate nuts, washers and bolts.  Tom got me started, I did a chair and almost all of the loveseat by myself, and he tightened the loveseat bolts and put the table together.  I struggle with peripheral neuropathy on the chemo weeks, so finger stuff & being on my feet is quite a workout.

I am thankful for the Cancer Bible study at church that wrapped up, and the lady that led it.  She has taught it before, but it's still a chunk of time to volunteer for her.

I am thankful for the band leaders at school.  Tonight is Evan's last saxophone concert for the school year.  I kinda like listening to him practice, even though it's not always pretty.

It was a rough weekend, but it's been a good week since Sunday.

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

#7/8 tomorrow.  The end of chemo is in sight, and I am ready for the next topic of conversation at the dinner table