Thursday, April 18, 2013

Thankful Thursday

God's Blessings... another week.

For Jeremy's twin boys - over there on the blogroll.  Hey, I'm a little past babies in my world, so I will live vicariously through his.

For gift cards in the mail - you made me cry, Mouse.  I am dreaming and scheming of a new porch swing and a shady spot to enjoy the rest of spring.  Or stocking up on button down shirts for the weeks after surgery, not sure which should rank higher!

For Pizza Market gift cards.  Thank you for dinner, TE & SM, after an all around rough week last week.

For yoga.  It wasn't pretty last night, and I might have had some "stupid cancer!" tears about how hard it was, but today I am glad I went.  Unfortunately I am realizing just how far this girl has to go to regain strength back.

For sloppy joes and mac & cheese and pie.

For the Blues - I am barely a fair weather fan, but the big kid has a free ticket for tonight, which makes it easier for me to give him a "treat" night.

For 6/8.  Getting there, Folks, getting there.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Random Thoughts

I walked tonight...  a 40-45 minute mile.  Yikes, that's slow. 1:1 or 1:2 breathing count with pursed lips.  Can you say deconditioned?  The city park was halfway, and I was checking out the cars to see who was at baseball with their kid that would drive me home.  But I kept walking.  From "Finding Nemo" - just keep swimming, just keep swimming, Dori says to Marlin.

I survived work last weekend, but it wasn't pretty.  Not sure what to do about those 12 hr shifts.  I'm off for 12 days at least.

There's only 3 more rounds of chemo left.  We switched drugs to Taxol last time.  It's side effects are joint/ bone/ muscle pain, more hair loss (all that is left is the legs, arms, a few stubborn eyelashes and eyebrows), and mouth sores.  Mouth wasn't as bad as with the adria & cytuxan.  Nothing left on my head to judge hair.  Pain, lots of it last week, but not so bad yesterday and today.  I remember the first round of chemo was just awful, and I am blaming this on the first round of a new drug.  I am hoping with good pain drugs figured out, next week won't be as bad as last week.

I signed up for a 6 week yoga class.  Wednesday night is week 2.  I didn't quite make it to week 1.  I've never done yoga.  Should be interesting.

A toddler pink toothbrush and my kids' toothpaste is pretty good for mouth sores.

Plastic surgeon tomorrow.  He is going to tell me I have to lose 60-80 lbs more to get my tummy tuck out of all this.  That is why I kept walking tonight.  Slow but steady.  I really don't want fake implants.  They just sound like more surgery every few years.

I just don't understand the Boston Marathon bombing.  My heart is heavy for the senselessness of it. 

There is nothing better than listening to Tom read "Magic Treehouse" books to the boys at bedtime.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Thankful Thursday

God's blessings, rounded up...

For antibiotics.  Two out of my 3 boys are medicated for creepy crawly upper & lower respiratory crud.

For pain, to know I am alive and hopefully something is working.  Taxol is full of joint & muscle pain, neuropathy, spaghetti legs and crabbiness.  It has been an ugly week with 90 year old knees that I didn't trust to walk down the stairs for several days.  It all still hurts, but not as much as yesterday, and not as much as Tuesday, so I am thankful for the trend.

For satin pj's.  Cause when you hurt, it's nice to just slide onto the other side to reposition in bed.

For the hometown pharmacy.  A friend brought me the wrong meds on Tuesday, and when I called, the pharmacy delivered the right stuff and took the others back.

For bbq dinner two nights and leftover lunch.  A little slice of heaven in my mouth!

For safety from storms.  Lots of bad weather last night, and last I heard, there were only minor injuries from a possible tornado.

For a cool breeze on my legs.  It was 78 inside before the storms last night.  It was 72 this morning.  Aah, much nicer!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Thankful Thursday

For a GREAT trip to Chicago.

Because Colby has been asking to meet Sue (the T-rex) for a year.  We caught up with old friends, and saw the touristy sites, and except for the first night there, I felt good and played hard.

For loaded potato soup from a friend, and lasagna from her grandma in the same week.

For sunshine and warmth, as the daffodils in the front yard bloomed while we were gone.  I think mine are the last in town to bloom!

For the cancer Bible study at church.  The folks there feed my soul.

For Tom insisting we buy our diesel Jetta many years ago, as the aforementioned trip was 800 miles and only 1 1/2 tanks of gas.  But we might just look like sardines, the four of us.  40 mpg, thankyouverymuch!

For Florida, who texts me just to check my spiritual health several times a week.  While I can find humor in all this, sometimes it covers up the hurt, anger, and frustration, and sometimes she has to be the praying Christian for both of us.  Sometimes I answer her, sometimes I don't, but I know at least one of us is talking to God.  And sometimes, both of us are on speaking terms with God.  She is not someone I would have targeted to be my prayer warrior prior to diagnosis, but she has become just that, and I am thankful.

For my artsy-craftsy sister-in-law, who helped the Easter Bunny bring Legoland tickets to the hotel.

For my sister and her family, who made Easter evening about family.  The ham dinner, egg hunt, baskets for my kids (cause there ain't no room in the trunk of a Jetta for Easter baskets!) and candy.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Two Thoughts

The first thought.  Last week, I was having a conversation with someone important in Colby's life.  She was asking the "why me, God, what do I have to learn from this" question on my behalf.  Another dear sweet little old lady in her town was recently diagnosed with cancer as well, and she was struggling with the difficult questions as we were talking.  I haven't spent much time there in my head, and I didn't have great answers for her.  As it has percolated since then, here are my thoughts.

Why not me?  

I am certainly not height-weight proportionate.  If nutrition plays a role in cells dividing abnormally, I failed that one.  I am well-educated enough to understand that fruits and veggies > sugar intake in the world of cancer prevention (and diabetes, and hypertension, and coronary artery disease, and obstructive sleep apnea, and and and and).  That doesn't change my taste buds or 38 years worth of choices.  Weight Watchers has taught me that every. single. bite. is a choice.  At least chemo has made my favorite Mountain Dew taste awful, and the sweets are off, too.  There is hope for me yet!

While the genetics were negative, there is still the reality of 0/4 breasts currently residing on my mom's and aunt's chests.  I have been there and done that as a child of a survivor.  Maybe that gives me some insight for my own boys, to help them through this journey.

I have a great support system, those on the front lines with me as well as those on the sidelines waiting to be subbed in (can ya tell it's Final Four basketball, even if I have no idea who is playing?).  I have a job with understanding supervisors, good insurance so far, a husband who doesn't care what my cup size is.  I have the resources to deal with this hopefully in a positive manner.  I will come away from this changed, but not defeated or destroyed by any means.

Why me?

The second thought.  One of my dearest childhood friends also has a family history.  At 50-something, she was done with mammograms, as 20 years worth have all been normal.  She promised me she would go back.  I am holding her to it.  If I make a difference even just there, well, I'm not sure it's ALL worth it, but yes, it is worth it.

We can debate the finer points of mammograms, as they do create a lot of unnecessary biopsies and overtreatment, and plenty of women find their own cancer, as I did.  

Go get the girls smooshed anyway, would ya?  

It's almost the 5th of the month, for whatever reason symbolic for BSE's.

Go be vain and stand in the mirror and get to know your parts, girl or boy parts, whatever ya got.