Monday, December 7, 2009

Christ in Christmas

I read someone else's blog, and was finally inspired to post. About anything. I think it's Postcards From Insanity, but don't really know. I randomly click on links from the blogs on my sidebar, and I never know where I'll end up. This chick is a foster mom, or maybe adoptive by now, with an attitude. I've seen her stuff before, and the posts I read today were about the insanity of family pics, and the "perfectness" of the holidays. Today, I have her attitude. Merry Stinkin' Christmas to you too!

I love Christmas, but am lost as to where Christ fits in.

We have the school Christmas program this week, and no cute new outfits. I have thought several times that I need to get Christmas pics done one of these days. My sister did that Saturday at her totally cool photographer's for which she has 8 or so years of perfectly coordinated framed pics on her wall. I'm a little jealous of that wall. I finally cut up and put a wallet of my kids' school pics in my wallet today, only because the Rev at church requested pics of the kids. I've always done fall-ish pics, and need to find some motivation.

We have not one, not two but THREE church (Catholic and Methodist and C's UCC preschool/ community ecumenical) church programs this year to make the practices and actual program on time. Tom has to do the UCC/ Ecumenical one solo since I am working. Where is Christ in that? Even in the church programs, I'm not sure. And I confess I'll be glad when First Communion is done so that we don't have to juggle two church calendars, and E doesn't have to choose activities so often. I didn't think religion would be an issue in our kids lives, but it is. I wish I could buy into the Cath beliefs and just convert and make things easier, but I know what I would be missing across town.

We went to my mom and sister's yesterday for Santa on the Train. It's a great time, and the kids love a few minutes with Santa as he wanders the aisle and sits with each family group. I have blown my budget and put stuff on a credit card for Christmas, and C asked him for a $60 Rocky the Robot. Now I went out to get the cool toys on Black Friday, and I thought "Mission Accomplished." He's getting a DS of his very own. Used, but his. He and E can stop fighting over E's, and our lives as parents are easier. So, do I get him this robot, knowing it's going on a credit card that we can't pay off anytime soon? Why does Santa interfere with Christ?

I asked Evan yesterday morning what he was going to ask Santa for, and he was in tears because he didn't know what we had gotten him for Christmas, so he didn't know what to ask Santa for. But then I'll get two of things and I don't want that, he said. This was a huge issue for Evan. Ugh, I almost thought he had it figured out a week or so ago. Nope, not even close it seems. Santa is screwing up Christmas, and I still can't find Christ in all the presents.

I have a good (and well-paying) job, but Christ isn't in my motivation there either. I am part-time enough that I am not at the top of the food chain anymore. I don't get to pick where I work at or what I do. I just fill a hole in a schedule. I DO get to pick the shifts, but that's my only perk. I am good at what I do, but don't want to be doing it at 60, or even 50. Where is Christ in my heart, in my healing presence, in my "Breathing Easy?" It's just a job. I like it, but it's not a passion anymore, and life is too short to not be passionate.

And now, after a 30 minute interlude, my kids are home from school, my extra kiddo is up from a nap, and my house is noisy with the sound of laughter, playing and homework. That is where I find my happiness, my peace, my Christ. In the walls of my home, and the love within. Christ is here every day. It's not about the gifts, the decorating (or lack thereof this year), the perfect pictures, or the church programs. Sometimes, Christ isn't even in a church - it's a theatrical performance.

Always, He is in my heart.