Just A Thursday

I would offer you a Thankful Thursday, but I don't have it today.  It's not all sunshine and roses, and today has kinda been one of those days. 

I spent the day doing Radiation Simulations.  What is that, you ask?  I couldn't have told you exactly until today.  You meet the radiation doc and his nurse again (hey, it's been a long time since February when we met).  You sign a consent form that lists every. single. possible. side. effect.  I have already agreed to being poisoned and slashed.  What's some burning, too.  You hear about the available research trials.  One for me that involves a questionnaire a dozen times over a few years.  There was one on the Rad website that was 3 vs 6 weeks of rad, but only available for those who had lumpectomies and no lymph node involvement, so 6-7 weeks it is.  You go back to the CT room and lay on a chemical pillow of sorts that forms to my shoulder/ neck/ head so I don't move - either during today's CT scans as well as Radiation itself.  It felt like a million years with my arms above my head.  While I have that mobility, I can feel it pull and hurt from my elbow to  the middle of my ribs.  I didn't much care for that!  While I was there, they marked me all up and down the left side so they have a roadmap with definite points.  Some blood drawn to check my thyroid function, and Pulmonary Function Tests.  Radiation can damage my thyroid as well as my lungs - hence the baselines.  Somewhere in there was lunch, too.

Bright spot?  One of the Rad Techs grew up in northeast MO, and Edina, and her brother lives near my uncle in Palmyra.  She now lives in the town northwest of us.  Small worlds in a parallel universe!  

The funky mood? 

The roadmap - I have about 6 dots tattooed on now, but they really want the paint/ marker to stay on as long as possible.  So, the Plastics doc okayed the pool finally on Tuesday.  Rad Onc took it away on Thursday.  The little kid has been asking me to go swimming with him, not just drop them off & pick them up.  I was planning a hotel trip, and I can get in the water up to my waist.  Gee, thanks.  Ugh, why bother!?

I realize in the grand scheme of the cosmos, it's one summer in my kids life.  But in realizing school starts in a week, we have not ventured farther than 40 miles all stinkin' summer.  They have had no. summer. vacation.  What did you do on your summer vacation?  Uh, played xbox, watched unlimited TV, had sleepovers, and went to my mom's doctor's appointments.

I went back to Weight Watchers in July, as I promised myself I would after chemo and surgery. I weighed in once since then, and was up 0.8 lbs.  I have tracked food about 4 days in a month.  If I want the tummy tuck at the end of the scar-filled road, I have to be down 60 lbs.  And today I ate 2 Paul's Delights, pizza for lunch, and drank a can of Mountain Dew.  Food is controlling me, not me controlling it.  My give-a-dang is busted, and I need to fix it.  I am hoping the routine of school and radiation will help me get my groove back.

Sometimes cancer just stinks, and today is one of those days, for no particular worthwhile reason.  Tomorrow will be better, of that I am sure.  Ears finally pierced and Relay For Life.  Saturday & Sunday, it's back to work.  Purpose.  A challenge.  Prayers for endurance appreciated.