Thankful Thursday

The only cd I played twice was Meatloaf.  I don't have a good answer for my love affair with Bat Outta Hell, but I have always played it when I needed a swift kick of motivation or anger management.  The song as rad ended and they got me off of the table?  Two Out of Three Ain't Bad.  "I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you.  Now don't be sad, cause two out of three ain't bad."  How perfect was that!

The big kid picked lunch - the hometown Subway.  Forty miles of restaurants, and he wanted the hometown favorite.  And as you can tell, Tom thought the little kid should get to skip school, too, in celebration.  A good day for us all!

Radiation Update

So it's T-1 today in the final countdown.  28 days total by tomorrow, and it hasn't been too bad.  I think I only cried the first day and a random day in the middle, and I blamed that one on Tamoxifen mood swings and just being way past tired & overwhelmed with life, cancer and lymphedema (LE).  I planned my time for mid-morning to get the kids to school, get there and get back, but with 3x/ week LE massage for most of it, I think I only got 1 or 2 afternoons with naps.  When I get run down & exhausted, then I cry just because the sky is blue.  My chest and underarm are red and rashy and itchy, but the skin stayed together - which was my biggest fear.  I would not work with open wounds and woundcare, and they would have a hard time getting me back on the table for more pain.  Inside, it feels like a big ol' skinned knee.  The rad can bounce of my esophagus and cause a sore throat... some mild discomfort, they said.  Feels more like half of a biscuit stuck that won't go up or down in my opinion.  Chili, ice cream, mushy spaghetti and cereal have been the menu for the week.  Cold water kinda numbs it, but only a little.  I have Magic Mouthwash - the same stuff from mouth sores and thrush during chemo.  It worked well for the chemo issues.  Doesn't do diddly for my throat, since there is really no "hang time" to coat & numb it when you swallow it, and it's really really nasty to swallow.  I have had a different CD to listen to every day - thank you!  Now if I could only get them to turn it up loud enough to drown out the machine.  I'm telling ya - there are a few noises that sound every bit like sizzling bacon that freak me out, cause that's my chest they are sizzling!  Not really - I know it's the machine, but there are mind games involved in this thing called cancer.

It's a lunch date with my favorite big kid tomorrow for the bell-ringing.  The favorite little kid had a sick day last week, so he got to see some cool highway trucks, all the bridge construction, the therapy dog at rad, McD's playplace, and read books at Barnes & Noble, so an all around great day for him to join me.  The big kid won't get treated quite so well since I have a lymphedema appointment in the afternoon, but we will make it a date anyway.  Wishing there was more vacation time for Handsome to join me, but he will need it for later, as reconstruction is on track for early January.

Thankful Thursday - derailed

Thankful Thursday is derailed...  spent two hours trying to figure out flexible spending account reimbursement for the new benefits plan tonight instead.  I'm thinking that for the amount of tax-free money we save, it might not be worth the frustration factor!  Pretty sure our time and stress is worth more than the tax-free savings.  Hopefully tomorrow I will have time to post.

Thankful Thursday

Did you think I would miss 2 weeks in a row?  Can't leave all 4 of you followers hanging like that!  It's another Thursday, thankful for God's blessings.

Thankful that I got to do this with this kid:

and that with those kids in the last two weeks.

"This" was Snooze at the Zoo with the Cub Scouts.  We went on a night hike with the animals boys and put the animals to bed, along with a craft - the cape and Superman pose, cause they were Animal Avengers.  We slept out under the stars, but the city is loud and light, even at night.  That was one grumpy lump to wake up at 6 am to eat breakfast and wake up the animals!

"That" was tickets to the Rams- Ravens preseason game, with two buddies out late on a school night.  They had a great time, I think.  Maybe it was all the cotton candy in that bag, I dunno!  Those 3 were a cheap date.  We got the tickets for free after the Rams summer skills camp didn't work out so well for us - hopefully next year.  Then they were giving away vouchers for a free hot dog, soda and popcorn for kids under 15.  Woohoo!

Thankful for more food in the freezer.  I'm still not cooking, thank you, People!

Thankful for radiation music.  I can't listen to the whirring, clicking and zapping of the rad machine.  It really freaks me out.  It takes some guts to go back day after day for something that is intentionally damaging good healthy body parts, yet I have to do it.  Whatever it takes to get through it, and at loud volumes!  It's not like anyone else can hear it - the door is a foot thick and solid.

Thankful for single digit addition and subtraction.  Tomorrow there is 10 rad treatments left.  That means next week and the week after is 5 + 4 = 9.  I can do that math!  Plastic surgeon appointment is set up for the last week of rad so he can evaluate the "crispy" factor of my chest wall skin and figure out a timeline for whatever surgery we will do.  Saline or silicone implants or autologous (rearranging the fat tissue I already have) are the options.  Anyone have any suggestions?  Implants are quick and easy as far as surgeries go. Any autologous surgery is more difficult with a longer "down time."  Hmm... how much more do I really want to go through, and how many more scars?  I know we won't do anything for at least 3 months to let the skin and chest tissue cool off, so a break from everything.  I am looking forward to that break!

Two weeks from today, and we are done with the "killing cancer" part of this.  Can't wait!

Thankful Thursday

Another week into the history books.  Another list of Thankfuls.


Thankful for another year.  I might have had a birthday in the last week.  I bought a juicer and a used treadmill.  Hmm... these times they are a-changin'!  I am pretty sure those are things that old people or health nuts use.  I think I like my blender better than the juicer, though.  I like the whole fruit, not just the juice.  1/4 pear, banana, 2 handfuls of strawberries, 1 handful of blueberries, protein powder, small chunk of spinach, kefir and skim milk.  Mmm, it's what's for breakfast.  And I am working on the treadmill, but am fighting with my left arm swelling when I exercise, so short spurts.

Thankful for laughter.  There has been a lot of it the last few days, and it does a soul good.

Two wonderful ladies have taken me to rad this week, and we have made the rounds of topics - raising kids, taking care of parents and the role reversal, school, crazy crummy cancer, church plans, girly stuff - not much off limits - and all accompanied by lots of laughter.

Then there are these boys that I live with.  Colby saw a lemonade stand story on TV.  He then wanted to ask his aunt (who makes yummy fudge at Christmas) if she would make him 20 or 30 pounds of fudge so we could sell it like a garage sale and raise money for toys.  20 or 30 pounds of fudge, Child?  For toys?  For you?  Made by your aunt?  Hmm... you call and ask her that, cause I am not!  It took a while to tell her the story because I was in a fit of laughter when she answered the phone.  Evan brought a buddy home to help with homework, and they were just crazy silly, loud, obnoxious, and kept me in stitches over nothing worthwhile today.

And then there is this crazy PT that I was hoping to never see again, but am back hanging out with way too soon.  She was a little bit of sanity and laughter in helping me with range of motion in July.  Now it's working on lymphedema in my arm.  While one more complication of crazy crummy cancer really ticks me off, at least we are entertainment for each other while dealing with it.  There's plenty of laughter from the treatment room.

Thankful for food.  You know that food prep and "what's for dinner, Mom?" are not things that I excel at.  I tossed out on facebook a request for frozen crock pot meals that I can pull out as needed when I am gone all day.  I have several bags from coworkers and former coworkers.  Last night it was some delish bbq spare ribs, and I think tonight is mostaccioli.

Thankful for  6 out of the last 8 years as weekend-option prn.  It has kept me home more during the week with the kids.  Tom and I debated for most of the summer about what my job would look like in the big picture of life.  The last 2 work weekends it was not rocket science that 2 12-hour shifts are harder than they used to be, and won't get better for a while.  While I could have used 4 hours of fmla each shift, at some point I have to be realistic and look at what is fair to my employer and even bigger than that, what is fair to my patients.  It kinda feels like cancer won, but I know it needed to happen.  And, it means that I only have to work 1 weekend shift a month when all the dust settles, so that is a family win.  Tom has done a majority of the weekend parenting for Colby's entire life, and I am tired of missing all the fun stuff!

Have a good weekend, y'all.  We have some fun plans to look forward to.  Promise I will share pics next week.

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Thankful Thursday

God's blessings, remembered...

Leftover lasagna, tucked in the freezer.  I got a huge ginormous pan during chemo, and froze half of it.  Yummy dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow!

Beautiful days and cool nights.  The a/c finally got turned off yesterday, and it was a beautiful 50's night to sleep with the windows open and air the house out.  It was nice to sit outside this afternoon between rad & school pick-up.

A meaty book - "A Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp to keep me company waiting for radiation.  I love her writing style, but it does require thought.  It's not a fluffy book.  And, the piano melody on her website is hauntingly beautiful.

Friends fighting over who gets which radiation day to drive me.  I can go by myself, but it's so much more fun with a friend!  And I am tired, already.

School routines.  The boys are settling in.  They both like their teachers.  There is a pattern to life again, not random bedtimes and schedules.  The calendar is getting full, but pleasantly so.

CD's left on my doorstep.  The rad suite has a CD player for entertainment, and my goal is 30 different cd's for 30 days.  Despite what I have been told, I can feel the rad zaps - just tingly, but uncomfortably so.  I need all the distraction I can get!

Bonfires.  It's cool.  It's Scouts outside.  It was at someone else's house, so I enjoyed it and left it there.  I got a whiff of the fire smell just a few times today, and it was wonderful.

Got a minute to read and share some love?  Go love on Vicky - Westra's World - on the blogroll.  I stumbled onto her blog and fell in love with her writing and her heart long before I had cancer.  Say a prayer, for her and others who struggle a lot more than I do.  It's not a picnic in my world, but I know my world is still pretty easy in the land of cancer treatment.

Have a good week y'all.  8 pm seems like it's past my bedtime, after 4 alarm clock wake-ups this week.  Nine or so more and I can sleep in... only if I skip church again.

Radiation Day 1

So... wanna hear about my day?  You're here; you must.

I didn't line anybody up to go with me today.  If I had gone to church yesterday instead of sleeping in, somebody would have volunteered, but I opted to sleep after traveling Friday and Saturday.  I debated last night and this morning about asking if anyone wanted to go with me on Facebook, but I didn't.  I thought I wanted to do this on my own.  I really didn't.

And so, I dropped the kids off for an adventure with the 'rents, and I headed to the big city.  Somewhere along the interstate, my game face flew out the window.  Tears at 75 mph just isn't pretty, Folks.  And so I texted two of my prayer warriors while waiting at stop lights.  And they settled me back down a bit.  I was doing laps in the parking garage, and I found this.

Radiation itself  is really not that exciting - like a CT scan on steroids.  I am done in 30 minutes or so, except on Tuesday See the Doctor Day.

My radiation schedule works with the kids school schedule.  Daily til September 19.  It's early enough I might even get a nap before school gets out if I come straight home.  Can I tell you that I find that comforting and depressing at the same time - that I feel the need to build naptime into my days?

And the song on 99.1 JoyFM when I got in the car afterward?  This song.  "Praise You In The Storm," by Casting Crowns.

Ok, God, I get it.  You're in the big stuff, and the details too.